Comments on Her Deep Thoughts (sm): Where Did The Chivalry Go?

Hi Damian, I wrote this post when I saw an episode...

2010-02-26T13:00:04.242-05:00

Hi Damian, I wrote this post when I saw an episode of a Matchmaker show and the guy argued that he didn't think opening doors on a first date was necessary. He stated that women's lib caused his dates to react negatively about traditional dating behavior. So yes, the origin is "where did the romance go" but it evolved into, "where did common courtesy go?"

Hi Claudia! Thanks for passing through. I guess with social norms shifting both men and women need to learn to adjust - and most of all learn to communicate our needs to each other effectively and in a nice way (showing appreciation helps!)

Claudia & Damian, thanks for the discussion! I'm so glad you both chimed in!

Best,
Li

Hola Li, First time in your blog. I believe that...

2010-02-24T12:53:04.126-05:00

Hola Li,

First time in your blog.

I believe that we women are sending mixed messages to men. We want to be treated equally at work and in business matters, and we still want to be treated as princesses as you say. Thing is, we don't know how to separate one from the other. It's been so engraved in our brains that we totally forgot what is it to be a woman and became "males".

Men, on the other hand, confused, have become too feminine.

As Damian says, we all need to be nicer to each other. And we need to learn to ask in a way that is not demanding.

We need to learn to lighten up when we're not talking business.

Cheers, Claudia

Hi Li, I agree with the latter: "there is mo...

2010-02-19T15:31:30.482-05:00

Hi Li,

I agree with the latter: "there is more of a balance now and being chivalrous is a notion that can apply to both men and women".

Heck, people just need to be damn nicer to other people. Men and women.

Regarding your original post, I think that instead of chivalry you might (and please correct me if I'm wrong) had been talking about men being more romantic.

And that of course, is a whole different topic.

: )

Damian

Hi Damian, I'm glad I've got a male perspe...

2010-02-18T22:30:57.073-05:00

Hi Damian, I'm glad I've got a male perspective, so thanks for your comment. I agree with you, to "act like a man" is the most antagonistic thing to say to men. It challenges men on a basic level, hence why I believe to make those statements and then reject traditional notions of what is macho (machismo) or "manly" is confusing. So do you think the lack of appreciation is what killed chivalry or is it just that there is more of a balance now and being chivalrous is a notion that can apply to both men and women? Perhaps the notion of chivalry is just another way we as people can treat each other with respect, men and women alike?

Interesting.

Hola Li, You wrote: "We want men to make the...

2010-02-18T16:49:19.812-05:00

Hola Li,

You wrote: "We want men to make the first move and act “like a man,” but at the same time we reject machismo."

When I hear that phrase "act like a man", it makes me cringe. From a man's perspective, it's the fastest way to discourage a man from doing something. If ladies were to ask the same thing but just ASKING for it, you would encourage their man to actually do it!

For example, I love to cook, but every now and then it is nice that my girl helps me out with cooking. Would it be ok for me to ask her "to act like a woman" and get on with some cooking? I am 100% sure that it is not. So I just ask her if she could please cook for me that night.

Also, if somebody does something nice for you and you want that person to repeat that behavior in the future, you actually thank for it. This means that if somebody (man or woman) opens the door for you, you say "thanks". I see too often that people (men and women) just dart through a door that somebody holds open. No thanks, no eye contact, no nod. Then people wonder why nobody opens the door for them anymore.

It's the little things that make the world go around. We never appreciate them, until they're gone.

Nice post, it is an interesting topic.

Un abrazo,

- Damian