Thursday, September 8, 2011

What About Your Friends? | Guest Post

"What about your friends, Will they stand their ground, Will they let you down again; What about your friends, Are they gonna be low down, Will they ever be around, or will they turn their backs on you"

I met my "first" best friend in grammar school and I thought we'd be friends forever. At the end of fourth grade, she told me her parents bought a house in Long Island and they were moving. I was devastated. How can my best friend leave? We kept in touch for a while via letters and phone calls but with distance and new friends eventually we lost touch.

I made my life long friends in high school. There are seven of us who have remained close for almost 20 years. {I know I'm dating myself but I don't care.} In those years many people have come and gone into the group but the core of us remain. It has been interesting to watch how the friendships change within the group as the years and life experiences go by.

The girl I was closest to when we first met, is not the same girl I am closest to now. I love her just the same and we support each other but we do not see eye to eye on everything like we did when we were 14 years old. This only makes sense because we are not the same people we were back then. I get it, friendships change. One friendship in the group is so dear to me and has been a constant over the years. Its had many ups and very few downs. However lately its different and I don't know why. All of the sudden things feel "off" and I can't pinpoint when it changed.

Actually I do know some of the why. I was hurt by something that happened. It was unexpected and made me take a step back, which may have caused hurt in return. Somehow I can't find the words to tell the person closest to me that I'm hurt. I have shut down a bit but I don't want it to be that way. I feel our friendship is in trouble and I've tried to call but the phone calls have not been picked up.

All this makes me look at myself. Yes, I've changed in the last year, probably more than in all the 20 years my friends have known me. Could this be a factor? Probably.

I can't help finding my voice, changing my way of thinking , and being more myself than I ever have been. I've worked too hard to feel bad for any of those changes. What I didn't expect was how a change in me has affected the other relationships in my life. Some have gotten closer and some a little further apart. I'm sad and I'm happy about this because in the end I have to be true to myself. I value all my friendships and I'm trying to figure out how to get back to where we were. It all has me wondering if people grow up or grow apart. I can't tell right now.


This beautiful and insightful post on the ever changing nature of friendship, how we evolve into the people we are meant to become, and the growing pains that come along with that process is by my dear friend Patty.

Patty was one of the first bloggers to stumble across HerDeepThoughts. I didn't even know her at the time, yet she left such heart warming comments -I could tell that she totally got me. It's no wonder that I feel such a kinship to her only two years after having met her in person, courtesy of BlogHer.

She is so full of life and love. You can see it just by reading her beautifully written posts. And if you're as lucky as I am, by meeting her in person. Get to know A Day In My NYC. Get to know Patty. She is a force to be reckoned with and a blogger to watch!


  1. I love Patty, she's such a sweetheart. This post is so perfect. So raw and so real. Thanks for sharing, Patty, and reminding us that it's OK to change. That's what life is about, and friendships will weather those changes or they won't - but we'll stand strong either way!

  2. Thank you Li for the chance to share my words with your readers and for all the kinds words. I can't say it enough...I'm so glad we met and are friends. You get me too girl!

    @Andrea: Your comment says it all. I feel raw and the whole thing is so real. I guess if I didn't care about my friendship I wouldn't wonder about them. But I do care. Thanks for the encouragement.

  3. I have experienced something very similar and have learned to let go. It is difficult to maintain a relationship of any kind, whether platonic or otherwise, when those involved have different interests and expectations of themselves and the relationship at hand. We can only be who we are and try our best. We can only be honest and attempt to communicate with our loved ones. We can only be the friends that we are and provide support and love in the onlyw ay we know how. Sometimes, that doesn't salvage that friendship. But you said it best. What matters is that you are being true to yourself and growing into the best you. People do grow apart, but mostly because they grow separately and at different paces.

  4. I have very few close friends. Lately we've grown apart but with the wonders of Social Media we tend to keep in touch that way. It still doesn't feel like old times.

  5. Wow...that was an awesome post and I can truly relate. I am having some issues with my best friend. I value friendship as I have gotten older and I am not sure whether to let it go or hang in there? You have me thinking, have we just grown apart?

    Great post Patty!

  6. Great post. I too have had friends that were very close and then after moving we grew apart. The closest friends I have today are the friends that no matter how long its been since you last saw each other it was like you talked yesterday. I have a couple friends like that today.

  7. Carrie over at TikiTiki wrote something similar to this theme and it saddened me b/c I've grown so far apart from my childhood friends, all of which I was really close with up until I moved to Atlanta 5 years ago. Only 1 has taken the time to visit me down there---that causes me to really evaluate our friendship. We're all older now and don't think the same as when we were 7 (when we 1st met), but we remained friends through JH, HS, college, our 1st jobs, marriages, etc... but something is off and it makes me sad.... But like you, I make no apologies for the woman I've become and they shouldn't either.

  8. I think it's a little bit of both -- people grow up AND people grow apart. I have friends from middle school that I used to be so close with -- we had sleepovers together, went shopping, went to church, did EVERYTHING together. Even though we went to different high schools and colleges, we remained friends. Now, in our adult lives, the two of them are much closer than I am to them. I often feel like an outsider amongst them and I can't help but to feel as though it's b/c we grew older and apart. No harsh feelings. Just growing pains...


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