I hate relying on others. It comes from disappointment after disappointment and the realization that I could avoid all of that if I just "do it myself."
After a while you learn that you can only rely on yourself. And then you end up struggling to manage 100 things when life would just be better if you could delegate.
As the oldest daughter, I bore the brunt of the responsibility. In this Latino household (I can't speak for all Latino family dynamics), the oldest female has what I call "the responsibility gene," a totally nonexistent gene that gets conjured for the first female born into a family.
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My 1st born female cousins also have had to deal with this genetic phenomenon. Their brothers (older or younger made no difference) and their younger sisters didn't have much of a role other than to be cared for...by the oldest sister.
As years passed, the older responsible sibling usually continues in that role. As the siblings become adults, the disparity in their roles can be - well, annoying. Everyone’s all grown up, yet the same players are on the field, over and over again.
When the courage to ask for help arises, and the sibling without the responsibility gene fails at the task, it only reinforces why you were branded with this gene in the first place. But that doesn't mean one should stop asking for help. No. Why? Because not everyone lacks the "responsibility gene."
Despite the disappointments and fear of rejection that comes with relying on others, there are those that can and will help (in their own way), if only we ask - even if they aren't the heir of this special friggin' gene.
It is always worth reaching out, making it known that you're having a hard time. Why? Well, you never know- that person just might be able to help you. If nothing else, it will also feel good to have others acknowledge just how much you do.
In the end, that may be what you need to get you through a day full of an enormous amount of responsibility.
To all of my deep thinkers lugging around that responsibility gene, I salute you.
Leather Jacket, Wilson's Leather Outlet, $100 ; Tshirt: H&M $7.00