The "IT" Factor

As a normal person I don't command attention in a room. I think I'm a loud talker but perhaps I speak too softly. My quick wit and dry sense of humor is not understood by most who aren't like-minded. In a room full of attorneys who are socializing, I don't fit in. I am often a wall flower. But when I turn IT on, its a whole other ball game.

I first learned how to unleash "it," when I was marketing on this big campaign for a brand I respect. Initially I was just being quiet little me - and that wasn't working. Then slowly, through observing others, I learned to turn "it" on. Finally, I was being heard, listened to, and I was found to be entertaining! At the end of a day, though, I would be spent. IT takes a lot of constant energy.

But by turning IT on, I didn't feel I was being fake. It just felt like this facet of myself that I had hindered, perhaps for the sake of others. As a child I always jumped into the limelight, like the little performer I was. And at some point I tucked it away like all little girls were "supposed" to do.

Antiquated social norms aside, the It-factor has served me well in my career - public speaking while marketing, arguing in my capacity as an attorney when making myself heard is 90% of what I need to be and, thankfully, with my acting.

Expressing myself while in a high energy state grabs more attention as opposed to being calm and quiet, which is not necessarily viewer-worthy. Fortunately I'm just as cozy being reserved as I am being the performer. I don't know what this "it" thing is, but I'm glad I've got it!


*This is a photo of me in Spain

Support "The Talent Show"

When I entered law school, I'd completed one year working on a marketing campaign where I was constantly interacting with people and crowds on the microphone, tv and radio. It was an amazing experience! The excitement of it kept me yearning for more. While in school I decided to host a college radio show (yes, I was a law student at a college radio show) just to feel like I was doing something for "Me." So while staying up all night studying, the thing that kept me going was keeping my creative side nurtured. This was really important for me and, fortunately, I felt a lot of support from one person: Jillian. Well, it's time to pay it forward!

To make a long story short, Jillian is competing on a reality show and she needs your support!

Tune in to "THE TALENT SHOW" (9pm-12am) on www.urbanlatinoradio.com on October 1, 2009 & call in 718-841-7855 to vote for her "show intro." You can also vote for Jillian on www.urbanlatinoradio.com.

Getting votes on her "intro" is one of the many challenges she faces as a contestant on this reality show. Please show your support so she can WIN IT!

Even though today's blog post is not really about me, please don't be deterred from reading in the future. It's really important for me to get the word out. Jillian has such a great personality, is very intelligent, ambitious, and beautiful inside and out. She's putting her reputation, her future, and her career on the line by taking this chance... she can use all the support she can get!






And if your smitten with her, (you surely will be), feel free to follow her on http://twitter.com/jillianvalentin

*This photo was taken during the photoshoot of "The Talent Show"

Wish Fulfillment is a Powerful Thing

I have this board in my home where I list the things that I want out of this life. There are clippings from magazines and various paragraphs, requests and I Will's. At the time I started, I wondered, how could any of these things be connected and how will they ever come true?


After I opened my eyes and started pursuing acting, I then realized how all the words, images, and phrases posted on this board were an expression of my desire to explore and develop my creative side. Words cut out from magazines like "film festival," "writer" and images of actresses along with specific descriptions, now seem fitting. It feels like it was all right in front of me, I was just too afraid to see it.


I'm living the things that I've asked for... although not 100% just yet, I'm inches close. I can feel it. I cannot be more thankful for the peace this brings me, the faith that wells inside and the happiness that balances me out when things don't go as well as I'd hoped. I'm so close its scary, exciting, and the process is incredible.

I guess the lesson is, if you really want something, even if you're afraid to admit it, you CAN and WILL have it - and it really is ok to be a dreamer. 



*this photo is a picture of me as a child

The Company You Keep

"Es mejor estar sola que mal acompañada" is a Spanish phrase that means it's better to be alone than in bad company.

You can have hundreds of acquaintances and never have a true friend. And if you have a true friend, one who is not envious, who you can rely on, who respects you / whom you respect, who lends you moral support and with whom you can laugh and truly be yourself - then they truly love you and you are very lucky.

Many times we don't know whether we have such a friend because relationships dissipate and the test of friendship takes time. A travel partner, a person you go drinking/dancing with, or a person who makes you laugh - these may not be true friends. An acquaintance is very different than a FRIEND.

If you read my blog, you may remember that over a year ago, two people whom I thought were friends for many years turned out not to be. This has had a big impact on my life and drew me closer to more positive people. In planning for my  birthday I've come to reflect on how my life has changed and how I have grown as a person and I can appreciate the people that have remained in my life, who support me, encourage me, respect me, are genuinely happy for me and love me.

However, during this time of reflection, I am saddened by the memories. It makes me feel like I am alone. But that's not the truth.


I am not alone but more whole - I regained the pieces of myself that I gave up in those "friendships," and know that it was for the best. I must focus on the good that has come from those experiences. Even if sometimes I throw myself a pity party.

I just want to say I am grateful for the people that help me through the day to day stuff, the hard stuff, the happy and sad stuff. Some people have no one to get through "It" with. I have four. Thank you Bubbles, Buttercup, Che, and Soraya. I love you. You make me realize that I am neither alone nor "mal acompañada."


*The photo was taken outside a museum in Spain. 

"Actresses" Only

When I first started taking classes at the studio, I went looking for the restroom. I passed two doors: one said "actors," the other, "actresses." I went up and down the hall, stared into offices and kept passing those doors. Then I saw a man leave "actors," and I caught a glimpse of a sink. I finally realized that was the restroom. But I was still hesitant and almost a little embarrassed to open the door. But I went in - no one looked at me sideways, and I didn't get kicked out. So far so good!


Slowly I'm getting comfortable with the idea that I'm a lawyer and an actress.This is week six of the "Technique," course I'm taking and I really am enjoying myself. I've done four scenes in my acting class thus far: two different phone calls, establishing the fourth side, and establishing time & place.My poor boyfriend and family have had to endure my rehearsals and incessant request for suggestions. As I talked my boyfriend's ear off one night, he actually said to me, "you're not going to be perfect and you don't want to be. That's how you learn."

Whatever. Other than that, he's been good. Except for the time I was rehearsing a phone call and he kept joining in the conversation.Oh and when he tries to show me how he's a better actor. By the way, he's a lawyer- not an actor.

Well, this past week my performance was slightly different: To establish time and place, I performed a scene that resembles a stressful Monday morning. I wore my suit, prepared to argue a motion in my kitchen, enjoyed coffee, realized I was late, looked for my wallet, found it in my luggage, gave myself a pep talk & left for work - all in 3 minutes. I did pretty well (Thank God). But more importantly, I had so much fun! Its exciting and nerve-wracking and I feel like I'm PLAYING. I bring in all my toys and the world disappears. *It feels like a calgon commercial*




While taking my acting classes, I've started to notice human behavior a lot differently. I'm noticing little nuances that I took for granted before. This is much better than my first year in personal injury litigation when I took notice of every trench and the twelve inches around a manhole cover. And far more interesting.

Next week I must establish time & place, have an accident, then look for a lost object. This is sure to require a similar performance to this weeks, but chock full of emotion and it may elicit a few explicatives on my part.

I'll have to take note of ones expressions when finding a lost object and body language when injured. It should be interesting for me, but I feel bad for those on whom I experiment.

I have to draw up the scene, grab my "toys," and plan an outfit. Then I must rehearse for at least two days. I'm not sure what I'll change into for my performance next week. Whatever I put on, it's good to know I'm becoming less and less wary of going to change clothes through the "actresses" door.

*This photo is a picture of me, "Ying Yang"

Positive Reinforcement

I am a feisty Puerto Rican woman and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I work hard on balancing the wellness of my mind, body and soul. I am confident and strong enough to allow my inner beauty to shine through my smile. Just before another decade on this earth, I have decided to doing something for ME.

With what little time I have in my hectic schedule, I am making the time to explore my creative side. The "supermjuer" doesn't always stop long enough to embrace an opportunity to do that. But it's necessary. I realize that now.

I am a nurturer, a lover, a fighter, an attorney, a blogger, an artist, and an aspiring actress. I am multifaceted and diverse. I’m a real woman.

*this is a photograph of me

Hispanic Heritage Month: I Honor My Culture. I Honor Myself.

I grew up in a very sheltered environment with parents that came from Puerto Rico. I didn't understand the differences in race and culture for a very long time. All I ever knew was that I loved Puerto Rico and I loved being Puerto Rican. But I didn't see the differences in myself when compared to the appearance of others. However, I do remember playing with dolls as a child and not finding any that looked like me. For a long time I didn’t see myself as beautiful because I wasn’t fair skinned or blonde like the dolls. I was jealous of my Puerto Rican cousins who were. Then one day I got Hawaiian Barbie, and I thought, wow, she looks like me! But, she wasn't Puerto Rican. She wasn't Hispanic.

On TV I always sought to find someone like me. Felicia Rashaad’s character Mrs. Huxtible, although not Latin, opened up a world of possibilities for me: an attorney, a mom, who was dark, stunning & spoke Spanish. I was amazed &thought, that could be me! A billingual woman on television was HUGE for me! It was so close to home. Then, I remember being really excited when I saw a Latin girl on Reading Rainbow!

READ MORE...

Follow The Yellow Brick Road?

I've been fretting over the notion that I am pursing a career where I may have to turn down a great role because it involves a romance. Why? I'm afraid of the impact a career in acting will have on my relationship with my partner. Will he leave me? Is this a betrayal? I cannot fathom having to kiss another man and I may have to turn down roles that require romantic scenes. I asked my friend Jerry, who's a writer/playwright about whether I can avoid this in my career, and he gave me the following advice:

"It is possible to succeed as an actor (harder as an actress) without having to kiss strangers... but here's where that whole "truth" thing comes in. It's not you doing those things... it's your character. Simple as that. And if you start seriously pursuing anything, then of course that mandate will limit some of the work you can do. It limits yourself to put that kind of blanket statement on your craft (the "no kissing" rule) I don't foresee this issue being a problem for you - unless down the road you really want to start doing consistent professional work."

So basically, I'll be able to avoid it for a while. And maybe that will be enough. But eventually this may be an issue. I don't think my partner is going to go for "it's not me kissing, its my character." Even as I approached the topic with him, and he saw an actress on TV kissing another actor, he'd exclaim: "nope." He's been super supportive so far and I don't blame him. He didn't sign up for this. Of all the fears I have about this pursuit of an acting career, this is a big one. It's something that makes me question whether or not to bother trying if it will make my life fall apart in the end.


*this is a photo of my mother and I.

You Catch More Butterflies With... Wait, That's Not It.

Did you ever see that episode of Spongebob Square Pants where he walks into an underwater field with a butterfly net, except he's trying to catch jellyfish? Each time he throws the net over jellyfish, he gets shocked. But to him they're so beautiful and peaceful he cannot stop himself.









Well I too am chasing butterflies... Or maybe jellyfish. I am taking two different acting classes: one with a barely known actor/playwright/film maker and the other at a well-known and respected acting studio.

I got dressed to go to the latter Studio last night. I was very excited, then felt pressed for time, and ultimately almost drowned in a wave of panic.

I called my boyfriend, forgetting he's not supposed to speak (surfing accident), for moral support (he's really good at that). So he whispered some words of encouragement and I took in a deep breath. I get there and I tried to let go and enjoy the ride...except I didn't really, because I was sweating and I kept looking at the clock as I ran up and down stairs looking for the class.

Once I got to class, the teacher gave us exercises based on "techniques" in Uta Hagen's book. Of course I didn't have the book. This class is taught by an actor in his 60's who has done film, soaps on tv and theatre. He's quite funny and slightly deaf. He talks about how theatre is important, even if you don't end up doing it (totally talking to me because I don't see myself doing theatre). He then talked about all of us being there because we have a dream (oh what a dream).

After we completed several exercises, he talked about a Corporate Lawyer, a former student, who left a six-figure job knowing actors are 95% unemployed, can only hope to earn 15k a year and will only make money doing tv and film (is he talking to me again? I don't even make that much money... Gosh...). Anyway, she's with a regional theatre company and is very happy (for some reason, I didn't feel comforted).

Well I left there thinking, "I'm throwing it all away for this? Traversing the road less traveled, to make less money, to go to a life of instability, for what? Happiness?" I enjoyed the experience, despite my frantic nerves on the way there, asking myself out loud, "what the hell am I doing?" And even though I left with the same doubts.

I'm glad I have such a supportive family and boyfriend who remind me that my license to practice is not going anywhere and I can always lean on it while I pursue this dream.

I still have no idea what I'm doing. None whatsoever. Just chasing a dream, like Sponge Bob chases jellyfish with a butterfly net.




*this is a photo taken outside my window in Madrid.

High Hopes

Welcome to the Amazing Adventure of throwing My legal career out the window for a career in Acting.

I was headed to the studio to learn all there is about the craft of acting. Sitting on the train, I start thinking, "what the hell am I doing?" Does this work the same way? Can I just go to school to learn and then I can become a working actor? How will I ever know how this works? Or better yet, what if I suck?

So I go in there and I see all these artsy types, older distinguished people, scraggly-looking folk, and some people that kind of look like me (You know, my perception of "normal"). So I get there and the teacher, who speaks with a very calm and effeminate voice, has me go on stage and talk about why I want to act. I don't exactly tell him the run-on sentence in my brain that yells "I've wanted to act my whole life and I'm about to be 30 so I'm freaking out about the direction my life is headed, and I am jumping off this cliff into acting because I've got everything to lose, so why the hell not!" Instead, I say, "I realize I have no passion for the law and I think this might bring me the passion I'm looking for - I want to love what I do, and I think I should give this a shot." Where's the conviction? Ugh. Um yea, I dunno.

So several actors, experienced & non-experienced go up and either work on a monologue or develop a character. The teacher gave them constructive criticism. I cringed each time. When the teacher got annoyed or bored with the performer, it was all over his face and I had to look away. But I must say, the overall experience was fascinating. I loved it!

What I am not loving is that I have to do my monologue next week but I was not given any context on how to prepare and the monologue is beyond my element. *sigh* How is it that I memorized 20+ subjects for the Bar exams I have taken, yet I fear that my brain will malfunction when memorizing a monologue? I think the real fear lies in being unsure of how to prepare and bring the character to life.

I'll keep you posted on my insane journey into acting. In the meantime, do you have any idea how to help me get through this?
Maybe I need to take a different kind of class that's not so "sink-or-swim."






*This is a picture of me, expressing myself!

The Answer

To Be or Not To Be...a lawyer, that WAS the question. Until recently. Now that I've been practicing law for the past three and a half years, I realize that I would rather play a lawyer on tv or on film.

While I was plowing my way through law school, I thought I wanted to be a trial attorney because I would get to "perform." Well litigation, thus far, sucks ass.

The only performance I give is pretending NOT to hate the face of the opposing counsel who is usually an obnoxious Plaintiff's attorney. Or when I put on my sheath dress and Audrey it up with pearls in my lawyer-uniform. I'd much rather wear a t-shirt and jeans.

Litigation was supposed to be fun! Much better than sitting in a stuffy office. That trial methods course I took in law school was a total lie. It was the most fun I'd had in law school because I was pretending. I had a script, I played a witness, then the prosecutor and it was fun! Don't get me wrong, I sometimes have fun deposing a witness or arguing a motion in Court, (ok that's a lie, its not fun. Its stressful and I hate it), but its nothing like that course in law school.

All this time what I really wanted was a forum where I could let the creative juices flow (hence the painting, teaching, writing, blogging, tweeting, etc). Law school was something I had to do, to prove I could do it, to make everyone proud, and to prove everyone wrong who doubted me. But this acting thing, well, I gotta do it for me, no matter the result. The only thing I need "To Be,"is happy.And I'm on my way.

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

As a kid (6th - 8th grade) I would read these romance novels that I found fascinating- the "Dawn" series by VC Andrews. I would read these books all weekend long. My mom would yell at me to get out of my book to help her clean (I recently reminded her of this, laughing about it, and she was appalled considering how she used to force me to read the dictionary.)

I was recently introduce to Twilight and found myself immersed in that obsessed way needing to know how it ends. Reading so intently the way I had as a child reminded me of the dreams I had growing up.

I couldn't quite put my finger on the feeling that was emerging. I felt sad about it, and was aggravated that I could not find the words to describe it. Finally, a movie triggered the memory that had been clawing its way forward: Splash (1984) with Tom Hanks & Daryl Hannah.

I was only 5 years old when I saw this movie for the first time. I remember watching the scene where "Madison" puts salt in the bath and her mermaid tail unfurls in the water. She's interrupted by "Alan," so she tumbles onto the floor, frantically trying to dry her tail before "Alan" bursts into the bathroom.

I had the scene memorized. I ran to the bath w/ salt and acted out the scene until my mother realized I'd stolen the salt. This is when I first knew I wanted to act.

So was the spark that set me on this course. I don't know where this path will lead, but I realize now that everything I've done was leading me in this direction. I had only to open my eyes.




*This is a picture of me.

Hyperhidrosis: Dont Sweat All Over Everyone

I have been struggling with hyperidrosis since my teens. My first memory of embarrassment was when I went to get a manicure & the manicurist told me my hands were so sweaty that I should try holding a snake while it sheds its skin. I said sure, get me a snake & let's do it! Still no snake.

My next memory is when I went to get my fingerprints taken as a requirement for the NJ Bar Exam. Its this electronic system much like a photocopier. The machine had trouble reading my prints and the technician exclaimed, "I've never seen anything like this!" Gee, thanks, guy.

My hyperhidrosis moments are a little less embarassing because I have a supportive partner & friends. Even though this sounds like a minor problem, this is how hyperhidrosis effects my life:

- Holding a childs hand
- Using tools
- Manicures
- Electronic Fingerprints
- Typing on the computer
- Holding a book
- Holding a handle bar on the
subway
- Shaking hands
- Pedicures
- Feet sliding around inside sandals
- Only wearing clothes w/ a lining
- Hardly wearing a color other than
black
- Gym clothes must be tech gear

And the list goes on and on. Well treatment is out there. I have my first dermatologist appointment next week. I'll be sure to tell you if I get a miracle cure.