Because I got to have faith, faith, faith

Oh yeah faith.

That little thing that we're free to have or free to give up...

"...There's something deep inside of me, There's someone I forgot to be, May not be what you want from me, Just the way it's got to be, Lose the face now, I've got to live, I've got to live." From George Michael's Freedom

While I was in Spain, the souvenir that made me the happiest weren't the castanets or the hand painted fan... it was this 3' long rosary. Just thinking about it on the plane made me smile. What did this symbolize for me? A time in my life where I felt God and I were really tight. I would pray in Church before school every morning, mostly asking for help or forgiveness, for peace in my life and that of my mother and sister. For happiness. My teenage years were a turbulent time... my parents were at war, school was difficult, and I had a boat load of responsibility at home in trying to be the mature one in the house and shield Buttercup from it all. It was overwhelming. So I would imagine God would send an angel to hold me when I would cry, or just listen to me sob. And when things were really good, I would pray thanking God for what I had been given, all my blessings.

During this time, I wore rosary beads all the time and I would collect rosary beads from different places. However, the rosary I always wanted was one that looked like my Aunts rosary, a 4' long rosary made of wood, which hung on her divider... a rosary she purchased in Spain. See. that rosary signified two things for me: 1) I would accomplish the dream of going to Spain, which seemed like the impossible and 2) I would buy a beautiful piece of wood-work that meant something...it symbolized a huge part of my life, the part that held me together. Anyway, years passed, I forgot all about the rosary and even praying...and when I wasn't looking, I think I lost my faith.

Little by little I've been on a mission to find it. Looking at different religions, delving into my spiritual nature once again, relishing the moments I had with God, and when I was in Spain, when I wasn't even thinking of it, something clicked in my head and I asked the lady at the counter if by chance she had large rosary beads. And she did. And finally I had them...reminding me that I was not alone. The mission to Spain accomplished and to my surprise I had also commenced the journey back to faith, back to the time when God was my friend - my best friend. The road is long, and tiring, but I am not walking alone.... slowly, I think I will get there.

And the George Michael theme here, well it just seemed to fit.

~Li







*picture taken of my rosary and my bible.

What is family?

Is it blood relatives? The friends that we make? Unions through marriage and children? All of the above? I have relatives that I grew up with that I'm sure would avoid doing me a favor if I asked... yet I have friends that if I needed something they'd be there in an instant. My mom Bubbles, sister Buttercup, my boyfriend Che- they'd be there in an instant. I have some friends, like Soraya, who I know I can rely on. However I also have friends who aren't so reliable.

I think I'm lucky to have at least a handful of people I can rely on. Others, aren't as lucky.

Just thinking about it. That's all for now.

The lives of our forefathers...

This is one of the articles on Aguada, Puerto Rico, it's history and the mention of my great great grandfather.

LIBRO POR AGUADA FUE NUEVO

Publish at Scribd or explore others: How-to-Guides & Manu libro por

My family tree...

Genealogy. Not easy stuff. I've been working on my family tree forever (ten years+) and only now am I getting to the final steps. It's tedious work, especially when you open it up on facebook, find relatives who want to join, and start taking an inventory.... sheesh! The development of the Internet over the years has improved such that there are many free sites where I have found information. I have also spent several hundred dollars on ancestry.com to find that their Spain collection is lacking, but their US Census for Puerto Ricans is quite good. Also, google has been a great help to find articles on my great great grandfather and the origin of the family name. Kudos to google!

There's one pivotal piece of information that I have yet to uncover. What part of Spain did my great great grandfather come from???!!!! Holy Moly and Gee Wizz!I can't seem to find that out! And that is why I started the project in the first place!

I've assembled the origin of the name and found records verifying that they came from Spain to PR, but nothing more specific. I'd like to fit in a trip to Aguada, PR to see if there are any archives that I can research there, but then that would delay the book, etc. Initially, my trip to Spain earlier this month was intended to be part of the genealogy search, but to no avail. I guess the wiser step would be to start on my island.

However, I think that even when the book is complete, I will continue to add to it, ad infinitum (plus my cousins keep spitting out babies, making my job all the harder).

Thankfully, my 73 year old grandmother and 89 year old grandfather are alive and convoluting the information they gave me ten years ago...nevertheless, I entertain them because, without them, there would be no book. Complete or incomplete the project has been a lot of fun. I'll keep you posted!

Dude, what are you doing????

The scales of justice are jutting out and cutting me up a bit. Time is flying. Task after Task after Task, the flow only stops when someone walks into my office asking, "why do you look like that," or "you are literally holding your head up in front of the screen." I have been busting my ass at work, scarfing down lunch, leaving work early (7pm), slushing through the rain, getting home to scarf down dinner, ate a piece of chocolate, felt guilty about the chocolate, so I had another piece of chocolate, and am about to start doing some more work. Something inside me is yelling, Dude, what are you doing??!!!! It's fighting me. But I can't stop. I don't know what I'm doing, I really don't know. But I kinda don't want to do it anymore.


So at what point do we (people similarly situated) say, "calgon, take me away." And actually let calgon take us away? Or do we just buy calgon, put it on the side of the tub and save it just to never really use it. Freaking calgon. So tempting, so dangerous and so never gonna happen. At least not yet.

All I know is right now, I kinda want to break open the calgon.

In a Minute there is time... Really?

BE ADVISED, THE FOLLOWING IS A TOTAL AND UTTER RANT.

"In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse." TS Eliot


Yes in a minute there is time for me to turn my computer on, start my espresso, and pull my hair up into a pony tail so I can figure out what needs to get done today. This blogging is Part 2 of my relaxation in a world as hectic as the one I have created for myself (Part 1 is working out & yoga).

I work damn hard. That deserves caps. DAMN HARD. I'm so busy all the time. I wish I had the time to work out everyday, end the day with yoga, write my blog, read my book, get to work, do my work and go home without thinking about work (oh and actually love my work), actually start the copyrights my sister has been asking me to do, actually be excited about helping my client with his copyrights and corporate stuff, eat a healthy meal, spend quality time with my family and boyfriend without being utterly exhausted and go to bed a reasonable hour so I wake refreshed. Not feel an incredible sense of burden when someone asks me a favor like writing a letter of reference. I'd also like to make the time to go dancing, shopping, do some chores..... hardly any of this ever gets done, and if it is, it is done begrudgingly and half-assed. it's like there IS NEVER ENOUGH TIME!


SIGH.

Oh, to be in Aguadilla, Puerto Rico

There is no place like Puerto Rico....

The air is fresh, the sun is strong yet the ocean breeze flowing through the palm trees just cools you down in an instant. It may rain for ten minutes - sun showers- so feel free to dance in that rain descalzo (barefoot)! The ocean waters are calm and so clear you can see your toes wiggle four feet in. Floating in the water is a must (be advised, some beaches are better for surfers). Laying on the sand is heaven! At night, the crisp sound of the coqui (small tree frog native to the island that makes the repetitive sound "co-keyyyyy") fills the gorgeous night sky, which is ablaze with stars. The colorful festivals that celebrate just about anything, the salsa lovers, the reggaeton pioneers, the gorgeous and friendly people, the overwhelming borinquen pride, the delicious food (especially the fresh seafood), and Oh The Pina Coladas! You've never tasted one until you've had it in Puerto Rico (fresh pineapple, coconut milk, bacardi rum, icy cold on those hot days... yummmyy!!!) Aguadilla gives you an authentic experience of Puerto Rico without the massive tourists (although it is becoming more and more like San Juan every day - don't get me wrong, I LOVE Old San Juan). This is my absolute favorite place in the world. La Tierra me llama....

The Poky Little Puppy brings me back

My very first book...

One of the first gifts I remember getting is a library full of Golden Books, and the one I would read the most was the Poky Little Puppy, written by Janette Sebring Lowrey and illustrated by Gustaf Tenggren. Just looking at the book cover right now has me nostalgic. ("The Little Red Hen" was a second runner up). It use to make me very happy at times when i was sad, and I distinctly recall running my hands along the cover. This book brought me a lot of joy as a kid. Somehow, it comforted me.

My favorite line from 'Frida'

" I don't believe in marriage...I think at worst it's a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it's a happy delusion - these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other. But, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don't think it's conservative or delusional. I think it's radical and courageous and very romantic." What a wild concept and one that I have held as true, in part because I have witnessed the failure of so many marriages. Maybe fear has me clinging to this quote, or rather, just being hopeful and realisitic at the same time (if that's possible).

Bits of Wisdom to scatter across the world...or at least across the New York Times Best Seller List

It has always been a dream of mine to one day write a book. A memoir? A work of fiction? A compliation of poetry? I don't know but I have always loved literature and have talked about writing a book (of unknown genre). Maybe something silly like the "Latin girls guide in a Caucasian World," but with a snazzier title that is thought provoking, spews sarcasm and glimmers with wit and authenticity (OK DONT STEAL MY TITLE NOW). Oh, what goals I have. Anyway, I wanted to post this as part of my Intentions. Last night after I wrote a blog on my 2009 goals, I ran up to my intentions board and put it in writing (not on post-its). I realized that its my board and I can write what I want... that its just between me and the universe and perfection doesn't matter. Anyway, this ones going up there too - not strictly for 2009 but for long term goals. Yes I am sooo excited.

Manifesting Your Destiny In Dry Erase Marker.

I have so many goals for this year. One down, so many more to go!

I am only 20something years old and I'm just trying to enjoy it. So far it's not working. My body has changed so much this past year! I never thought this was possible. I know this is all chick-talk, but really, what else would this monologue be, but chick-talk anyway? I've been talking about keeping up with the schedule I started off with at the gym and catching my stride with the yoga, but holy crap all I can think of is chocolate only to spite myself. My clothes aren't fitting right and my overall depression with my body and my self is not a motivating factor. BUT WHAT AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT????!!!! I NEED TO TAKE ACTION.


I've got this board up in my room with my goals (a la Oprah and the film,The Women). I had done the same thing three years ago, and everything I wrote on the list came true. Not in the order listed, or in the way I thought it would unfold, but for better or worse, I got what I wished for. Four months ago, at the end of my 20something year, I started a new list. Among my requests for 2009 as well as long term goals, I wrote "trip to Spain" on there. It happened. The funny thing is, I wrote a whole lot of important stuff on that dry erase board - actually, I put post-its with the most urgent things and the only thing I actually wrote with marker was the Spain trip, so it goes to show ya, that your intentions have to be written in stone, or at least dry erase marker. So my new intention will be to get back my bikini body, and maintain a healthy lifestyle so when I hit my next birthday I will look and feel better than I ever did. And maybe writing it on my blog will be a sort of emphasis on the dry erase marker.


So what's next??? Officially writing my 2009 Intentions regarding my career down in none other than dry erase marker (emphasis added via blog). I think I have a better grasp of what I want now. I enjoy being an attorney, but I want more. I want to work as an attorney but I also want to be able to use my non-legal skills, including my writing, the experience I have gained so far, and acquire new skills. I want to have a stable career that allows for growth and makes me feel like I'm making a difference that encompasses all of those things i mentioned above, in which I will first and foremost maintain a healthy work/life balance, making more money than I do now, that I actually enjoy and look forward to, in the field of media/film/art/music. That's the kind of career I want. How do I find that???

Well, for better or for worse, those are the intentions I will add to my Board-o-dreams. I will keep you posted!

Yoga or Sleep???

I've been out of my yoga routine since my vacation so its almost 2 weeks. Um, and I also haven't been to the gym in all that time ... and my fondness for chocolate has increased a smidge now that Lent is over. Ugh, I need to get myself motivated again. So, today is Day 1 of Get My Ass in Gear and I will do some yoga before I go to sleep instead of just going straight to bed. Yes I will.

How I spent my Spring Vacation...

Ok, I'm going to try not to miss anything, but my head is like mush since I got back from Spain. So here are the details I left out. We got there Thursday morning and walked around el centro & ate at la chocolateria almost immedately. It was close to our hotel. We took bus tours all over Old Madrid and modern Madrid on Friday and Saturday. We stopped at el templo de debod and did some shopping as well as a lot of unfortunate eating. We saw the bull ring, we spent hours at el retiro park - sooo beautiful - took some photos w/ the bull statue and started a trend. We saw an authentic flamenco jam session at La Solea, a flamenco bar in la Latina (near where el rastro starts). Sooo fabulous!!! What a highlight! We spent hours at El Prado museum, we spent Sunday at el rastro and bought some thangs. It was a hot day in Madrid that day! Monday we took the Ave to Seville (I’m in love with seville bc my great grandmom was from there), took a bus tour and a walking tour, saw the bull ring (soo beautiful), walked through the jewish quarter oohing and aaahhhing, ate paella which was yummy, watched a procession for semana santa …soo moving! Took the Ave back and ended the day with chocolate. lol. Tuesday we ate at this Italian spot Garbo for lunch and dinner which had the best food ever in life (bc we were not too fond of the food in Spain, let me tell ya - but Spain redeems itself with Sangria. Ahh Sangria...and chocolate… mmmmm chocolate) and then we bought some souvenirs (I got my super duper long humungous wood rosary that I’ve always wanted), then we packed and at 2am we went for our final taste of chocolate w/ churros. My sister belted out some tunes in the city which put us in the zone... that relaxed vacation zone until it was time to go. That was my trip to Spain in a nutshell!!! Despite some bickering and some emotional breakdowns I had a very very good time. It took me years to dream of this trip, months to plan it, a moment to book it and make it a reality to create memories that will last us a lifetime. Soo glad I shared this experience with my mom and sis. My next trip to Spain will be strictly in Andalucia. I nnneeed the beach!!!








*picture drawn by me, a very long time ago.

First rule of relationships: Communication

Relationships are hard work and worth every minute.

Communication
Its not just talking. Its about listening. Its about learning how to share your feelings, actively listen to your partners feelings, and validate those feelings. Communication, real communication, this is the hardest part. This will help all relationships, not just the romantic ones.

Appreciation
Saying Thank You is a start, but that's not all of it. Telling the other what you appreciate about your partner and why you appreciate those things is important in the whole "lets not take each other for granted" process. It also means you are taking time out of your day - even just a few minutes, to tell that person that what they do does not go unnoticed.

Courting
I think that the whole courting part gets lost, especially when you've been together forever and feel so comfortable. It takes a lot of effort but it means a lot when you each take the time to cater to eachother - even something simple like offering a glass of water or giving up the remote...since its the little things that can drive us mad, its also the little things that add up to the good stuff.

Feeling especially spiritual:

Ok so it's Easter... and my heart is happy. My boyfriend who has really struggled with life circumstance and his relationship with God, took the time to ask me about my relationship with God and we had a long talk about it. This was a wonderful and unexpected surprise. Why is this significant? If you knew him, you would understand. I think that God is especially fond of him and only now maybe my boyfriend is starting to accept that. So although he is very open about his struggles with faith, I have kept my struggles inside as I continued to plow through life, feet mired, reaching for something.

Despite my struggles, these past few months have been a wonderful an unexpected surprise. About seven months ago I resolved to make some changes in my life - a lot of it was spiritual. I reached out to some alums on facebook and we got a book club going. Some how the random books we chose had to do with spirituality. Eat Pray Love, The Life of Pi, even The Time Traveler's Wife spoke about God. And finally, now The Shack. Eat Pray Love was a good path to start on and to continue to explore different aspects of spirituality. But, The Shack was a heart wrenching journey that made me yearn for more of God. I mean YEARN.

So I just want to say, I'm especially greatful that God has whispered fondness for me in allowing me to explore many paths. And for answering my prayers and allowing me to feel hopeful again.

I Wave My Flag

I wave my flag with great patriotism and devotion. I was not born in Puerto Rico, but my parents were. My mother taught my sister and I to love and cherish its’ beauty and to maintain the values of our rich Puerto Rican culture. Every year we played on that tierra, swam in that mar, and bathed in that sol, cantando y bailando. Learning about great composers from our little pueblo of Aguadilla and of the great Nationalism we maintain for our beloved Isla.

I wave my flag in an invisible way nowadays, without bandanas or t-shirts or beads (although it was more fun when I have worn those things). I wave my flag by representing my culture with the education I have acquired, with self respect, and with my love of our music, literature, dance, history and culture. I wave my flag when I inform people that a Puerto Rican is a beautiful mix of Taino, African and Spaniard. I wave my flag when I remind people that Puerto Ricans are successful too and we struggle just as much to break the mold as we do to break the stigmas. I wave my flag simply by pronouncing to everyone that I am a Puertorriqueña and am very proud of it. I wave my flag because my heart yearns for the clear waters of my beautiful Island and for the gentle night breeze that peacefully resounds with the sound of coquí.

So if you attend the National Puerto Rican Day Parade and wave that beautiful flag on your shirt, beads or bandanas… know that you are representing a rich heritage and culture. If you wave that flag, show it the respect it deserves... Cherish that strong sense of pride that you will feel when you see that sea of red white & blue against a beautiful lone star waving through the air to the sound of "QUE BONITA BANDERA!!!"


Save the date: The 52nd annual Puerto Rican Day Parade on June 14, 2009

My Trip to España

Ever since I was a kid, I have wanted to go to spain. After hearing many stories about my mother's grandmother who was a flamenco dancer, I've had a fascination with visiting La Madre Patria. So my mom, sister and I finally went! I dont have many pictures uploaded bc I just got back yesterday. We went to mass in the center of Madrid, during holy week we saw a procession in Seville which was incredibly moving, and we saw an authentic flamenco jam session in La Latina (Madrid).


I never got used to the 6 hour time difference, the fashion was impecible, the language was interesting (I speak Spanish fluently, but some terms are different), the Euro wasn't too painful, the Ave was comfortable, and the flight on Iberia was long but worth the cost. I wish I had spent more time in Seville, especially because the food there was ACTUALLY GOOD!! The food in Madrid was aweful. I dont know if we picked the wrong spots or what... but I was glad to eat some real food when I got back to NYC.

All in all, it was the trip of a lifetime. I'm glad I finally got to go to Spain!!!
YYYAAAAYYYY!!!







*Pictures taken on my trip.

what is the definition of a grown up?

What does it mean to be "grown up." I'm in my twenties - does age qualify an adult? What about one does for a living? How about the level of education? Is it based on ones ability to respect others? Or ones level of responsibility? Or ones capacity to love? 

Does ones level of spiritual enlightenment influence any of the growing-up process? Do we ever consider ourselves grown up? Or do we forever remain these teenagers who desire to portray a grown-up? 

I don't know. These are just some things that I often wonder.

The Most important figures in my life.

My Mother
What a wild card! My mother has sacrificed so much for my sister and I. She is the best friend any person could have. She is sooo smart, elegant, nurturing, caring, giving and funny. She's a little spit-fire Puerto Rican lady whom I adore.

My Sister
She is dynamic! She is my little baby girl ... I admire her intellect, her sense of humor, her sensitivity, her fun-ness, her sense of style, her amazing talent, her uniqueness, and her ability to make you feel like you are the most important person in the room.

My boyfriend
A beautiful mind. I love how he loves me, his playful nature, his ability to calm me down, his patience with me, his honesty and effort in being open, and his willingness to make our relationship a priority. He fascinates me, he brings me balance and he brings me joy.

When I grow up...

When I grow up my business card might say:
-Travel Guru - Writer - Beloved Partner and Mother - Amazing Attorney - Fabulous Professor - Old Soul -

or potentially...

"When I grow up, I wana see the world, drive nice cars, I wana have groupies... fresh and clean, number one chick when i step out on the scene...be careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it...." cuz that sounds more fun!

I think I am grown up right now... and I dont think I am going to practice law forever... or at least not this type of law. Very soon I see myself working in the field of Business law for the Film or Music Industry. I´d like to write a book or write for a magazine. I¨d like to incorporate writing (in my personal style, not legal writing) into my career asap. And eventually (when I am really grown up) a Professor at a univerisity where I teach all that I have learned in my working career.

I could eat nothing but for a year

seeking an advance for writing a book on italian cuisine.... any takers?

I think I could manage eating nothing but Italian food for one year. There are so many options and ranges of nourishing and delicious food that I think it would be good sustenance for one year. But can I be in Italy while I do it, preferably getting paid to write a book on my culinary experience? That would make it better. This already sounds yummy.

When I get home, I change my clothes completely....

I cant stay in my lawyer clothes. i need to change into ME clothes. The suit is just the side of me that pays the bills.... my jeans and tshirt are more ME than anything - playful, relaxed and ready for anything. Its like superman flying around in his clark kent attire. we couldnt have that.

I'm in the Al Gore Hall of Fame (Video Update)

At a concert in Central Park, I had some cuba libres in order to muster up liquid courage and introduce myself to Al Gore. So, in my very VIP fashion, I steadily walked toward him and in a professional manner, I reached around his waist, grabbed his cheechos (spare tire), and politely slurred, "you having a good time??" It turns out, he was having a good time. Then I proceeded to the bar for another cuba libre. Yay. Way to network.

Here's a video where I recount the story: