Oh yeah faith.
That little thing that we're free to have or free to give up...
"...There's something deep inside of me, There's someone I forgot to be, May not be what you want from me, Just the way it's got to be, Lose the face now, I've got to live, I've got to live." From George Michael's Freedom
While I was in Spain, the souvenir that made me the happiest weren't the castanets or the hand painted fan... it was this 3' long rosary. Just thinking about it on the plane made me smile. What did this symbolize for me? A time in my life where I felt God and I were really tight. I would pray in Church before school every morning, mostly asking for help or forgiveness, for peace in my life and that of my mother and sister. For happiness. My teenage years were a turbulent time... my parents were at war, school was difficult, and I had a boat load of responsibility at home in trying to be the mature one in the house and shield Buttercup from it all. It was overwhelming. So I would imagine God would send an angel to hold me when I would cry, or just listen to me sob. And when things were really good, I would pray thanking God for what I had been given, all my blessings.
During this time, I wore rosary beads all the time and I would collect rosary beads from different places. However, the rosary I always wanted was one that looked like my Aunts rosary, a 4' long rosary made of wood, which hung on her divider... a rosary she purchased in Spain. See. that rosary signified two things for me: 1) I would accomplish the dream of going to Spain, which seemed like the impossible and 2) I would buy a beautiful piece of wood-work that meant something...it symbolized a huge part of my life, the part that held me together. Anyway, years passed, I forgot all about the rosary and even praying...and when I wasn't looking, I think I lost my faith.
Little by little I've been on a mission to find it. Looking at different religions, delving into my spiritual nature once again, relishing the moments I had with God, and when I was in Spain, when I wasn't even thinking of it, something clicked in my head and I asked the lady at the counter if by chance she had large rosary beads. And she did. And finally I had them...reminding me that I was not alone. The mission to Spain accomplished and to my surprise I had also commenced the journey back to faith, back to the time when God was my friend - my best friend. The road is long, and tiring, but I am not walking alone.... slowly, I think I will get there.
And the George Michael theme here, well it just seemed to fit.
*picture taken of my rosary and my bible.